By Anusha Kala
Picture Source: Google Images
To Sushant Singh Rajput,
The first time I saw you was when I was seven and my grandmother was watching Pavitra Rishta on TV. That half an hour was the highlight of her day. Years later, when I saw you on a theatre screen for the first time, I felt proud of how much you had grown. Your journey almost felt personal — and maybe it was, because we all saw a little bit of ourselves in you. Your story struck a chord with us: a young engineering student who excelled in his education and pursued his passion. Your story, and your aspirations resonated with us because you were really one of us, with your dimpled smile and your undeniable charm. You were so simple, and yet so magical.
After Dhoni, I binge-watched all your movies, and you never disappointed. Ishaan taught us friendship and, Mansoor taught us to love. I even savoured your small role in PK, because seeing you on screen was such a delight. When Raabta came, despite the reviews and average storyline, I enjoyed watching it. Honestly though, I was always a biased judge of your films. After all, a true fan can never be an honest and impartial judge. My favourite role of yours will always be Annirudh from Chicchore. You were vulnerable and honest, and you brought the character to life in such a heart-warming way that it lasted with me. You played a loving father and a mature husband, and it hurts to know that the movie is a promise of the future, we’ll never see you live.
I admired you because you were so much more than your acting. You were witty and well-read, and it was refreshing to see someone like that make it to the films. You read Sarte and Nietzche, studied astronomy, played the guitar, and wrote poetry. You truly loved your craft and displayed sheer brilliance and magic on screen. You were the epitome of empathy, and your bucket listen proved it. You wanted to achieve free education for children and send them to NASA. You wanted to train women in self-defence and learn the Morse code to help the blind. You started charities to truly make a difference to social issues you believed in. You wanted to study the stars, and understand the cosmic universe. Your vigour and intelligence inspired me. You had a curious mind, kaleidoscopic vision and a heart of gold. Your loss was a collective failure on humanity’s part.
When I heard the news, it took me forever to process it. I still haven’t managed to register the fact that you’re gone. Your upcoming movie, Dil Bechara was supposed to be a gift to the romantic in me and the fact that it’s goodbye truly hurts. I wish you could see how much you mean to the world today. You left me with the most amazing music to turn to, especially “Jab Tak,” “Manjha,” and “Besabriyaan.” Listening to them will always remind me of happier times.
You once said in your movie, that the most important thing in life, is life itself. You convinced your audience, but not yourself. Still, I don’t question you. You were fighting a battle we knew little about, and I can’t even fathom how it must feel to battle your mind every day. I just wish you could have given mankind a chance to redeem itself. I wish we could have helped. You deserved so much more, and it saddens me that the world and its ways are so broken. You were a reckoning force of nature, and you’ll always hold a place in my heart for the impact you had on me.
You always wanted to redefine what it meant to be a star, and you truly have. You were an incredible soul, maybe a little too good for this world. This is just a thank you, for making me smile, and for pushing me to be a kinder person. For my peace of mind, I choose to believe that beyond this world, an after-life exists. And you are in it, finally reunited with your mother at peace and happy. You deserve that happiness. I’ll always find comfort in your music and movies. Thank you for being such a beautiful soul, you’ll always be special to me.
Your biggest fan.
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